Aspergers and being..............in love
For my article I am writing today, it will be on a topic that we with Aspergers I notice talk so little of which is.......love in all its forms for any and all genders of all sexaul orientation, I don't discriminate anyone for what they like. Life way to short to spend it discriminating.
Well onto my article, well as someone with Aspergers I always had a very very hard time making friends, keeping those friends and even learning in school of the various subjects like the other kids did had no trouble concentrating on math, English, gym and any other subjects in school.
I was different and so many people knew but I knew it all too well back in the 1990's when I was a mere small boy I just didn't know what it was that that made me so different?
I had a even greater problems once I got to middle school and High school getting into conflicts with bullies and other classmates even some teachers more often than I wanted.
In Highschool I had so many problems and talked it over with my guidance counselor and she recommended that I go to a children's hospital when I was 15 years old to figure out what emotion problems I had were conbituting to my lack of getting along with people around me mostly other kids my own age.
It was there I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome a high functioning form of autism that gave me great creativity and thinking on certain things but a hrad time understanding the people around me of their perspectives and emotion or how to properly socialize with them.
Well if you think things got better I found out I had Aspergers......
you are sadly mistaken, I had been diagnosed but in the early 2000's in my Highschool or any school for that matter at least maybe in my hometown had little to no real aid they could give me or any kids with Aspergers.
This was so bad that didn't have a part time job like the other kids in Highschool to make my own money to buy things of interest for myself or know how to act in a professional environment to work for a living.
So after a bit of time going to college, realizing I didn't have interest in being an animator and switching to photography instead which I am still currently finishing up on the side began to going to this Asperger and other high functioning autism for young adults and adults social club that also worked as an agency to help people like me find employment in the community.
So far I have dropped a couple of job resumes with a cover letter attached to it explaining that I have a personal job coach that goes with me to the job interview to give me the support and help me better integrate into mainstream society for work so there would be no conflict with any person I would encounter at work.
My job coach is a young woman named Wendy; a 38 year old and very attractive one at that with a body of a woman a few years younger than herself. She was way in better shape than most people in my life I know that are her age a few years younger than she was.
She was so attractive that a guy a year older than me who worked there at this agency as a helper kept hitting on her and wanting Wendy to be his girlfriend which she rejected him causing him to still try time and time again. He would say inappropriate and sometimes sexually suggestive things to her yet he wasn't the only young man to do it. There was this other guy at my club named Chris who came with me to the Asperger social club; a weird fellow who talked so fast no one could understand him who also was a complete pervert who kept flirting with Wendy also.
This guy was so perverted and lack so much social understanding he would say things to Wendy like "You, you, you gonna go to the strip club with me"then put his hands on her shoulder and violate her personal space.
I remember he did this to her when I was around and then I got so mad at the guy for touching her that I shouted at him to back off and leave her alone. A feat I never thought I would get a chance to do in my life and for an attractive woman too. Which was to stand up and kinda........protect a woman from being bothered by something threatening her.
This to me is interesting to me because my Aspergers' obsession is with superheroes and anything tied to superheroes in anyway. Protecting a woman in distress and other people are things superheroes I read about my entire life did that idolize so much even to this day.
Something that had been a way of life and guiding light for me. It was because of Spiderman that I even got into photography cause I related to Peter Parker the character so much as we were both socially awkward nerds in school who loved a lot of the same things that I related to enough that I thought.....if I was that much like him why not do his day job as a photographer cause I couldn't in anyway get his cool Spider powers in real life.
Another superhero attachment I have to my Apsergers came when I was 15 years old and getting diagnosed of having it. I was diagnosed to having Aspergers by a phycologist at the children's hospital I was at who's last name was "Grey" which was so weird and coincidental as at the time back in 2005 I was really really obsessed with all things X-Men and along time X-Men fans know in the X-Men world there is a very very famous X-Men named Jean "Grey" who was a powerful and beautiful female telepath who is a big part of the X-Men.
I as a fan of the X-Men at that time had this weird and awesome X-Men reference pop up in my real life for real. Like what were the odds of this happening to a X-Men fan like me maybe if I was a character in a TV show with a plot like that happening? lol
Aspergers in real life more or less for me in my opinion is like the real life definitive of being the X-Men condition as the mutants in the X-Men have their super powers that are unique to each one. While people with Aspergers have their unique skills each different from one another like an Aspie being obsessed with trains and having vast superhuman skills in fixing trains that would usually take a person without AS to go to like 10 years of train fixing school to accomplish but the Aspie has the skill easily to them.
People with AS like mutants both face predjuice from mainstream society on pressures to becoming normal and uninteresting like people who don't have AS. Like mutants of the X-Men universe and people with AS, they both have a higher chance of being dragged off to jail depending on their degree of power for the mutants and severity of the condition for people with AS.
The mutants have a hard time controlling their powers that sometimes have very disastrous result in the X-Men Universe while we Aspies depending on who we are will have a very hard time controlling our Aspergers on somethings like socializing in mainstream society which is a lot of the time misunderstood and can be seen as threatening to people who don't understand us.
The X-Men are mutants because like us Aspies in real life got that way they are because of their X-gene being affected at birth just like for us with Aspergers.
I can continue on and on about the eerie similarity that people with Aspergers and X-Men have but there would be too many eerie points to point out and I can't name everyone off the top of my head right now.
So with all that side tracking hopefully out of my way I can get back to the actual theme of my article or whatever this I am writing is called which is about Aspergers and being in love.
As I stated before having Aspergers was not easy and lonely a lot of the time as my lack of social skills made it hard for me to make and maintain friendships for long periods of time. So in my teens was mostly lonely or attempted friendships that left me to spend my times reading comics books, playing videogames and collecting action figures of superheroes.
Or pretty much what other Nerds in history and the world do
I would read about superheroes saving the day , defeating the villain and......getting the girl. The girl was something I always wanted to get but there was never a girl for me to get or was interesting enough to let me pursue her back in my teen years as I had barely any friends.
So my teens were a very depressing loveless time that needed a nice girl be there to love me enough that I get the confidence to live and maybe pursued a way having a better High School experience.
So from there until now I was seeing nothing but darkness and negativity in my life then when I came to my Aspergers' social club and began to socialize with people at age 23, I really began to feel my spirit lift. I remembered talking most to Wendy about myself, my personal pain, and of course my dark past filled with broken friendships this was back in September 2013 before I got Job Coaching now in April 2014.
Wendy is a nice, sweet, attractive woman older than I ma by 14 years that actually gets me cause in her youth she was diagnosed with having ADHD back in the 80's and 90's. She sees we live similar lives with the problems we both go through coming from family backgrounds of our parents coming from overseas. Her parents coming from a foreign Portuguese Island and my parents coming from a Chinese lineage that lived a cultural minority in Vietnam that fled in the 1970's when the Vietnam war happened.
We both also faced similar upbringings of the way our foreign parents brought us up like on the way we treated money no matter how big or small amount and closeness of our families that span cousins to uncles to aunts. We even both endured being beaten as children by our parents as punishment if we did something wrong as children.
No other person I ever went to school with ever endured being hit as child especially with mild autism like me that I knew of. I talked about this with Wendy and we connected on that and on the other things like our love of all things superheroes and Star Wars also.
Whenever I am at the Aspergers social club on friday nights I would always try to socialize with her as much as possible for some reason compared to everyone else there for those 3 hours. When she walks away to do her job making sure that the other kids aren't messing anything up in the other side of building I just want to walk with her and be near her. Talk to her and have smile her at me with that lovely smile she has I have grown so used to whenever I'm at that social group.
She'll talk to me and give me the positive support I need that my parents, friends, teachers, older sister, therapist and other people in my life in past couldn't give me without it being a lecture, an insult or anything else told to me in a condescending tone.
When I have to leave the Friday Aspergers social group when I get home I usually feel very depressed for some reason. I keep thinking maybe cause I might have to leave Wendy and her understanding of me as a person. These past Friday social nights I just keep checking her out, admiring her figure and person.
Which is interesting, cause on my Thursday part college class for photography there is a young woman much closer to my age that is even prettier than Wendy that shares an interest in photography like I do that I sort of have a crush on yet think of Wendy instead holding hands with me from time to time and not this younger woman in my class.
Maybe cause in my Thursday photography class I barely ever get the chance to know her outside of her works in photography which are very impressive. Yet I rather think of Wendy as I got to know her more from my Friday Social group and her being my current job coach. It would just be too weird in my opinion if I actually somehow........asked her out on a date and she somehow accepted the invitation.
Wendy would tell me how she hasn't found her perfect guy yet and at 38 to me made me feel bad for her. I remembered I mentioned talking about giving a child for adoption in a conversation with her and she would say if she had a child she wouldn't. This is interesting as I sometimes see the way she cares for these grown guys and girls at my Aspergers' social club like they were her own small children.
I remember recently from the past week a 22 year old guy named Koady at my Aspergers social group had said something really really offensive and I saw Wendy take his right hand holding it, look into his eyes and talk to him as if Koady was a bad child and not a grown adult with mild autism who was gifted with a very high cognitive intelligence.
From there she finished taking to him and walked away. I then walked up to her and told her that her way of dealing with Koady was something that made her a good mom. She smiled at me a bit and told me that she would need a father in that equation first for that to happen. I told her about adoption cause I felt she had so much motherly love to give but she told me she wouldn't want to do it alone with a man's support.
It was here I felt really bad for her and wished I had a baby to give to her for her to love as she was this lovely woman going further in age with only a small window of time left for her to have a baby of her own as she was now 38 years old with only so much time left to having a baby successfully without encountering a miscarriage or even being able to get pregnant in the first place.
Then I began to think, I am young guy wanting to find himself a perfect gal while Wendy was a woman of 14 years older than me and is still looking for her perfect guy. I kept thinking maybe......I could be that guy for and she could that perfect girl as we had so much in common but then I thought it would be too awkward in the relationship we have with me being her client and her my job coach.
Plus my parents even if I did get Wendy to agree to this relationship would freak out to find their only son with higher functioning autism has eyes for a woman older than himself by 14 years.
Their chances of a grand child may night even happen due to Wendy's greater age my own. Finding a young woman at my age range to start a relationship is hard enough for a guy like me with mild high functioning autism as I have never dated any girl before in my life.
The girls in my age range that I'v meet and been in classes with in college to me just seem to.........immature and can't make up their minds on what they want in life with me being one of those things. I really want to find that perfect woman for myself but there is no girl at my age range that I know of so far that has that type of maturity and supportive loving attitude that Wendy has.
I have heard from some sources a lot of us men with Aspergers and higher intelligences generally have that similar trouble of finding a perfect woman as the women their ages are too immature for them which I now seem to be countering.
It seems if Wendy was about 14 years younger and still had that older woman mutuality she has right now she would be the perfect woman for me to start a long term relationship who would love me being the dorky nerd that I am with my love of comic books, playing videogames, collecting action figures and other silly but interesting toys based on popular cartoon characters.
Well thats the end of my article or whatever about Aspergers and being in love...........